


What Are You Doing Christmas Eve?

by lisedelorme



Category: Cardinal (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, and SMUT, holiday fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27833326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisedelorme/pseuds/lisedelorme
Summary: John and Lise are alone during the holidays but that doesn’t mean they have to spend it that way...
Relationships: John Cardinal & Lise Delorme, John Cardinal/Lise Delorme
Comments: 23
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, friends! I’m going to try to update this little ficlet every day of December up until the 25th! (Definitely not making any promises on that one but I *will* promise to do my very best!)
> 
> Not much angst with this one, just a lot of fluffy holiday goodness. I hope you enjoy :)

Lise knew she wasn’t an easy woman to love...  She was closed off, kept her words in her head, and her heart behind an impenetrable wall... _a fortress of solitude._ There were moments when a little bit of light found its way through the cracks in its veneer but for the most part, she was well-protected. So protected in fact, she hadn’t realized until it was too late, that somehow at some point he had managed to slip inside. Once he had snuck past her defences she was forced to not only deal with his presence there but to also recognize her own feelings and what it all meant moving forwards... 

* * *

_Christmas Eve, Morning _

Silently gathering the necessary courage, he asked the question that had been gnawing away at him since the second he witnessed Josh and Lise interact on the snowy street corner.

“Any regrets?” 

She looked over at him, finding his eyes with ease. It was clear by her gentle but firm tone of voice that she wanted him to  _ hear _ her. 

“I never  _ wanted _ that life. I should have told him that.” 

Cardinal could feel his stomach flutter as he returned his gaze to the road ahead, unconsciously buckling his seatbelt. 

_What life did she want then?_

* * *

Cardinal knew he was a difficult man to love. He was far from whole, with so many precious pieces broken off and splintered, his emotions were left frayed at the seams. He was terrible at any kind of proper communication but he had been that way even as a boy, struggling to find the right words to voice his feelings. It was a lonely way to live and he had gone the majority of his life not feeling entirely seen. That was, until  _ she _ came along... 

Lise just... _got_ him. She understood him without the need for words and she accepted him for the way he was. She always had. It was that unconditional response that had caused him to fall for her in the beginning; how could he have possibly known just how many _other_ parts of her he would come to adore?

* * *

_Christmas Eve Afternoon _

He ran his eyes over her features, letting a soft smile ease its way onto his lips.

Even on their way back to the car from a fresh and gruesome crime scene, he was still struck by how beautiful she was. Obsidian eyes sparkling in the sunshine, her freckles more profound in the light, against her milky complexion. He watched her brush at a few stray locks of hair, currently escaping her bun in the chilly winter breeze. She muttered a French curse under her breath and it exited her mouth on a white puff of air.

He kept his eyes on her as they walked, knowing that she would feel his lingering gaze and look over at him soon enough. Her eyes said so much more than her voice ever could and he loved looking into them— determining her frame of mind... her mood... her thought process. 

Sure enough, she turned her attention to him only seconds later. 

Her attention to detail was a fine art and she instantly picked up on the relaxed half smile playing across his face. Her eyes lit up a little at the sight.

He held her gaze as they kept walking, only lowering it briefly, before looking back up at her, carefully watching to see the effect. He wasn’t disappointed, her eyes roved his face almost immediately, searching for some outward sign as to why his behaviour had changed from his usually quiet, melancholic nature. 

Her gaze darted to his lips briefly, before refocusing to his, an almost shy smile crept across her lips.

Surprised at how easy it felt to just relax and let things happen as they may, Cardinal knew it was time to sort his feelings out. That feeling of always holding himself back from saying what he felt in his heart, the constant battle to keep his head above water had tired him more than he'd realized. After her comment in the car earlier, he found himself growing more and more desperate to suss out what kind of a life it was she wanted for herself. 

_And could he fit into it somehow?_

Impulsively, he altered his gait, bringing them fractionally closer together as they thread their way through the passing pedestrians on the footpath, bundled up and busily purchasing their last minute gifts. His hand drifted almost of its own accord and he could feel a warm tingle flow up his arm as his pinky finger twitched, shyly hooking her gloved finger with his own, their feet were in perfect rhythm, their hands swinging in time. Always so in sync.

The faint blush that stained her already rosy cheeks drew his attention. Cardinal could see the hesitancy in her, could see the uncertainty and the vulnerable need, all swirling just under the surface. She wasn’t used to this side of him. 

Still, she returned his smile with one of her own, the happiness inside filling her face with a joy he couldn’t believe he’d caused. 

Giving his finger a gentle squeeze, Lise let him know that it was okay, she wasn’t freaking out about what this public display of affection meant. They could simply enjoy the feel of each other if only for a moment... 

The connection between them spread a feeling of contentment. It was the same connection they had always shared right from the very beginning, just with a little added bonus. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Cardinal talk plans for Christmas break...

_ Christmas Eve Afternoon _

They were back at the precinct sitting across from one another at their desks.

Cardinal leaned back in his chair, easing the muscles of his lower back. He felt stiff all over from sitting for too long. Glancing at the clock, he ran his eyes briefly around the room, taking in the single string of lights hung lamely around one of the door frames and the sad little tree in the corner. He wasn’t even sure who had thought to put it there but it was hardly decorated, and just looking at it made Cardinal feel depressed.

For the most part, it had been a quiet afternoon, almost surprisingly so. Most holidays— it didn’t really seem to matter the occasion, brought out the worst in people and in his line of work that behaviour kept him and his partner busy and on their toes.

Apparently not this year...

And you would think that would be a _good_ thing, something to _celebrate_... instead Cardinal felt... glum. He would be spending Christmas alone this year for the very first time and the thought alone, made his heart ache.

He recalled the conversation he’d had with his daughter only the week prior...

* * *

“Dad? Can you see me?”

He watched his daughter wave excitedly through the small screen of his laptop and he smiled, waving back in return.

“Hi, honey. How are you?”

“I’m great!” She replied, bouncing cross legged on her bed.

Her bubbly personality was contagious and Cardinal felt his mood lighten immediately.

“It’s so good to see you, Dad. How is everything? How’s work?”

“Oh, you know...” he trailed off, “Same old.”

“You look tired.”

He sighed. She said that every time she saw him.

“I’m _fine_ , Kel. So... what’s up? Your text seemed kind of urgent...”

“No, no. It’s nothing serious. I just wanted to ask you something and didn’t wanna do it over the phone...”

He nodded slowly; apprehensively.

“Okay... well, I was just wondering if— and if you say no, I’ll understand... it’s just that...”

“Kelly...” He prodded, impatiently.

“ _Nic’s-parents-invited-me-to-stay-with-them-for-Christmas-in-Quebec..._ ” She blurted out, the words melding together, unintelligibly.

“Oh...” he said quietly, without having time to think of a proper response, “That’s uh... _Wow_. That was nice of them.”

“I know you were expecting me and we’ve _always_ spent Christmas together... and with Mom not- well, I would understand if you didn’t love the idea...”

He watched his daughter’s face fall, slightly. Anyone else might have missed the fractional shift in expression but not Cardinal. He knew his daughter well, and mercifully, reading people was something he excelled at.

_Communicating with them? Not so much._

He knew she wanted to go. _Of course she did_. She was young and in love, the prospect of spending her time away from school with the boy she was enthralled with —‘ _man’_ , Cardinal corrected himself— only made sense.

“You should go, Kel. It sounds like a lot of fun and you’ve never been to Quebec before...”

“I know! I’ll have to brush up on my French...”

He gave her a genuine smile, knowing she would see through anything less. And he _was_ genuinely happy for his daughter. She had been through so much over the years... _too much_ _for a young woman her age._ As a father, to see his child this excited about life again... it was all he could ask for. He would miss the hell out of her, he couldn’t deny that but she needed to live her life for herself and not her lonely, old man.

“We can visit when you get back—exchange our gifts and you can tell me all about your trip.” He said, softly.

“You’re sure?”

Her brows were furrowed anxiously.

“I’m sure.”

”What will you do?”

She worried about him too much. Sometimes _he_ felt like the child and _she_ the parent. It shouldn’t be that way. He cursed himself for ever making her feel like she had to take care of him.

“Don’t you worry about me. I’ll have a glass of a whiskey and watch _Die Hard_ —probably pass out on the couch.”

“That’s your idea of fun?” She asked, skeptically.

“Well... yeah.”

He awkwardly scratched behind his ear, hoping their conversation was nearing a close. He didn’t need a reminder of how depressing his life as a widowed bachelor was. He was more than aware of that himself.

“What’s Lise doing?”

The glint in his daughter’s eyes immediately revealed the motive behind her question and he could feel himself begin to flush.

“I uh- I have no idea.”

“You should ask her. Maybe she’s spending the holidays alone too...”

“Mmm” He mumbled, averting his gaze, trying and failing to mask his feelings.

“Dad, just ask her. _Please_? It would make me feel a lot better knowing the two of you had someone to spend time with.”

“I’ll uh... yeah, okay.” He agreed, “I’ll think about it.”

They finished up their conversation and he waved goodbye to his daughter, agreeing to text her the next day. After closing the lid of his laptop and leaning back in his chair, Cardinal scrubbed tiredly at his face and beard. 

_There was no way in hell he was asking his partner what she was doing Christmas Eve._

* * *

_Christmas Eve Afternoon_

Most of the other officers had already departed for the day so Cardinal was able to properly turn his attention to his partner, noting the small frown of concentration on her face. Lise had her phone out and was tapping away on it. 

He was almost positive she was playing solitaire and he could feel his lips turn up in a fond smile. 

_ Would it really be such a bad thing just to ask...? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lise deals with the aftermath of running into her ex... good aftermath.

Lise’s first thought after running into Josh and his adorable little family was that her mother would have a field day if she ever found out.

Her parents had loved Josh like one of their own and it wasn’t hard to figure out why… he was everything Lise was _not_ —sociable, affable, easy going... the man practically attended every one of her family functions with bells on, for god’s sake. _Was it normal for someone to get that excited about dinner with their in-laws...? _

There was one aspect of Josh that really sealed the deal for her parents though, one that gave them hope that their daughter still had a chance at a ' _h_ _appy_ ' life;  he wanted children.

Lise could still remember the serious damage control she’d had to do after Josh blabbed to her mother that they were trying to have a baby— explaining that yes, they were _talking_ about it and no she was _not_ pregnant yet.

‘ _Trying’..._ Lise _hated_ that statement. 

Admitting to the world that your having regular sex just seemed like a little too much information, painting an unnecessary picture for others of your relationship... It definitely wasn't something Lise wanted her Maman and Papa to be imagining.

In the end, it had been the tiny pills hidden in her glove compartment that saved her from a life she had never wanted. _Why was it so hard for people to wrap their heads around the fact that some women just didn’t want to be mothers? Or wives?_

Truthfully though, Lise had given up trying to please her parents years ago, realizing at a young age that it was impossible to live up to the standards they had envisioned for her in their minds.

Lise _was_ genuinely happy for Josh. It looked as if he had found someone with an open heart who wanted a family just as much as he did—two things she could never give him. 

Lise said her goodbyes, wishing the happy couple a Merry Christmas and trudged back across the slushy street to the idling car and her partner waiting for her behind the wheel.

When she hopped inside, she could have kissed him for keeping it so warm and toasty. 

Glancing over at him, she quickly recognized his tense posture and wondered whether he had witnessed her interaction on the street corner.

She sat the paper bag holding their lunch on the car’s divider while she buckled up and when he spoke, she almost jumped out of her skin. 

“Any regrets?”

So he _had_ noticed then…

She locked eyes with her partner, gazing into his soulful grey irises and allowed herself to be vulnerable with him.

Maybe it stemmed from the foundation of their relationship being built upon lies and cover up’s, but Lise  could only ever be truthful with Cardinal, anything less and it felt like a betrayal. 

“I never _wanted_ that life. I should have told him that.”

Cardinal’s cheeks reddened slightly before he broke eye contact, returning his gaze to the road ahead. 

It wasn't the first time Lise desperately wished to be a fly on the wall inside of that mind of his and she knew with full certainty that it would not be the last. 

_What was he thinking? Why had he asked her whether she had any regrets about a long dead relationship?_ _Did he think she still harboured feelings for her ex? God, she hoped not..._

“When does Kelly get in?” She asked, effectively changing the subject. 

Cardinal turned the key further in the ignition and revved the engine louder than necessary. Lise frowned, looking up at him but it was clear he was avoiding her seeking eyes, focusing on the oncoming traffic over his shoulder.

“She’s not coming this year.” He said, quietly.

“Oh.”

Once they were back on the road again, Lise thought the atmosphere would have lightened somewhat, but it was quite the opposite—the air between them felt stuffier than ever. They were both aware that Lise had questions for him, but she refrained from asking, not wanting to dig the knife in any further than it already was. His tone of voice was answer enough anyways... his daughter’s absence was a sore spot and she understood why. 

Recognizing your solitary life on any given day of the week was hard enough but holidays had a way of emphasizing that fact. 

Lise herself was more alone now than she had ever been before. Josh had aided in keeping a line of communication open between her and her parents and once that relationship ended, so had the line of communication. She still checked in with them on occasion, of course but for the most part, she kept her distance. 

She knew that they were spending the holidays back home in Bromont with her extended family— her mother had reached out to ask if Lise would like to join them, which she had promptly declined. It was nice of her mother to make an effort but she couldn’t force herself to say yes.  As lonely as the holidays may be in Algonquin Bay, spending them with her parents and their lingering disappointment would be far worse. 

Lise felt for her partner.

Where she had never really experienced a ‘ _traditional_ ’ Christmas, Cardinal had grown used to them over the years. He’d had a _family;_ a wife and a child to spend the holidays with. She imagined him on Christmas morning when Kelly was just a girl, how much fun he must have had watching her  open each thoughtful gift he and Catherine had spent all evening wrapping...

Lise’s heart ached. A deep seated jealousy began to wind its way around her heart like a barbed wire. 

_Why?_ her subconscious countered, _You don’t want that life..._

No, she didn’t.  But with the right person...

The radio on the dash suddenly went fuzzy jolting her back to the present and Lise listened to the voice ringing out through the speakers, alerting all officers to a domestic dispute over Christmas decorations.

Cardinal glanced over at his partner and quirked an eyebrow. 

Lise shrugged imperceptibly,

“'Tis the season.”

She saw something of the old sparkle is in his crystalline eyes again, his lips curving into that subtle smirk that made her stomach flip.

_With the right person..._ her subconscious echoed. 

* * *

_Christmas Eve Afternoon_

They were back at the precinct sitting at their respective desks when she felt her partner’s eyes lingering on her. 

Cardinal had been acting different that afternoon... nothing like the man she was usually so attuned to. She had no idea what had caused his change in behaviour but she wasn’t complaining either. She’d been waiting on this side of him for a while now, hoping he would grow bolder in his advancements over time.

When Lise had felt his gloved finger intertwine with hers as they walked down the busy street, her heart fluttered. She hadn’t wanted to spook him with any sudden response so she’d kept her cool— _to the best of her abilities..._ And let him know that it was more than okay, with a gentle squeeze. 

Now, as she sat across from him, she felt a bit giddy with this new shift in their relationship—as minuscule as it was. It was something.

She lowered her phone and caught his gaze, watching the slow blush creep higher up his face, above his beard, across his nose until his whole face was a bright rosy pink and she felt her lips turn up in a fond smile. 

_ Was John Cardinal checking her out? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super pleased with my writing here and I'm really sorry if it feels amateur or rushed. I really want to get a chapter out a day, it just feels more Christmasey that way!
> 
> (The unintentional rhyming really tied this end note together.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John continues to step out of his comfort zone...will it pay off in the end?

_ Christmas Eve Afternoon _

After double checking that none of their co-workers were playing audience, Cardinal allowed his eyes to wander his partner’s features, unobserved for a moment. Since taking his first step towards something...  _ different _ that afternoon, he had found himself doing it more frequently. 

And with his tentative progress came the realization that he had never really just taken the time to... _look_ at her.

For the first time in a long while, John was honest with himself— not just about the nature of his relationship with his partner but how deeply the feelings he had for her truly ran. He then allowed himself to recognize something even more difficult... just how _long_ those feelings had existed for.

He let that information sit, expand, stretch and release inside of him before giving it permission to settle in the centre of his chest. 

He watched her pour all of her concentration into her phone and whichever game it was she was currently playing, taking in the way her eyes darted around the tiny screen and how they lit up when she won. 

The innocence of her bubbled to the surface—her _youth_ , something she rarely allowed herself to bask in. The delight on her face was so infectious he could feel his own features softening.

Cardinal had pushed so many people away in his life with his hardness— his cool personality and sharp edges. Lise made him a warmer, softer more sensitive man and he was grateful to her for that.

She must have sensed his eyes on her again because she lowered her phone and returned his look. Flushing, Cardinal knew he had been caught. The way her lips twitched as a knowing smirk formed, all-but confirmed it. 

She refrained from commenting and simply allowed herself to return his frank appraisal. 

Seconds passed before the tension began to hang thickly in the air between them, their eyes locked on one another. Eventually, Cardinal blinked and straightened in his chair. 

_Fuck_. He was falling _hard_ for her. Harder than he’d fallen for anyone before. 

Suddenly,  _ not _ asking her what she was doing Christmas Eve seemed like the absurd option. 

_ Of course _ he should ask her. 

_But what if she does have plans? She’s an intelligent young woman, beautiful as all hell... why wouldn’t she? You’lllook like an idiot if she has to turn you down_ ... His subconscious countered, cruelly.

Cardinal found that the prospect of being turned down wasn’t nearly as disheartening as the possibility of missing out an opportunity to spend the holidays with his favourite person. 

Unwilling to give voice to his thoughts out of fear of being overheard, he quickly tapped out a text to her instead, on his phone.

_ John: _

“Do you have any plans for this evening?”

He hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering anxiously above the send button before he forced himself to finally tap it. He then waited on tenterhooks for the chime that would hopefully follow.

Sure enough, Cardinal heard the muted noise of a new text alert from her phone across the desk. His heart was pounding in his chest as he watched her unlock the device. He cast a furtive glance around the precinct again to see if anybody was paying attention to them, and when he was sure that they were alone, he returned his gaze to her.

It appeared as if she was already typing out a response and Cardinal was certain his insides were turning to mush in sheer anticipation. In less than a minute he felt his phone vibrate in his hand. 

He sent out a silent prayer into the universe that it was positive and  glanced down at her words.

_ Lise: _

“I don’t know. You tell me:)”

Cardinal’s eyes immediately shot upwards locking onto hers—those dark, mysterious orbs he had come to know and love so well seemed to sparkle, mischievously.

The two detectives shared a small, private smile and he watched her cheeks flush—warm blood spread slowly beneath her skin to reveal certain feelings she had yet to voice. 

He glanced back down at his phone and typed out his reply.

_ John: _

“Would you like to have dinner with me? My place?”

He didn’t have the courage to look up again so he simply waited, his eyes remained glued to the three grey dots in the corner signalling her incoming response.

_Lise:_

“I would like that very much.”

Cardinal could feel himself smiling so hard it was a wonder his cheeks didn’t ache.

_ John: _

“7PM Ok?”

The dots returned, disappeared and finally, _mercifully,_ returned again. Cardinal wondered if she wasn't beginning to have second thoughts...

_Lise:_

“Perfect. Can I bring anything?”

_John:_

“Just yourself.”

_Lise:_

“It’s a date.”

A date.  _He, John Cardinal, had just secured a date with Lise Delorme on Christmas Eve._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little filler from Lise’s POV!

_ Christmas Eve Afternoon _

Curiosity aflame, Lise picked up her phone and scanned her partner’s message. 

_John_ :

“Do you have any plans for this evening?”

Blinking rapidly, she read the words again, just to be sure her eyes weren't playing some kind of cruel trick on her. 

No, they were still the same the second time around...

A silly grin threatened to overtake her usually measured expression as she tapped out a slightly flirtatious response, trying and failing not to acknowledge the way her fingers shook as she typed.

Glancing back up to catch his reaction, she unconsciously bit her bottom lip and watched his face transform. After understanding her meaning his eyes darted upwards, locking onto hers—the beautifully sad and soulful grey eyes she had come to know and love so well seemed to glow with a warmth she rarely had the pleasure of witnessing.

Her cheeks flushed with a sudden stirring need, and Lise silently cursed her body for giving away her emotions once again. The pinkish hue always revealed just a little too much about her than she was willing to share. 

That was the hold her partner had on her—and he had absolutely no idea.

They held one another’s gaze for a long moment.

Justifying it in her own mind, Lise drew a distinct difference between ‘ _examining_ , ‘ _reading_ ’, and what she was doing now. It felt more like…  _ appreciating _ . But if she was being honest with herself she would probably categorize it more as ‘ _gazing at each other like a pair of love-struck teenagers'..._

Cardinal was the first to break eye contact, ducking his head back down to answer her text.

_John_ :

Would you like to have dinner with me? My place?

Lise’s blood pounded in her ears. 

There was a line being crossed here and a significant one at that... This wasn’t their typical hangout; takeout with some old movie playing in the background while they went over casework together, casually bouncing theories off of one another. 

This was a date. 

She was _sure_ of it. She wanted to catch his eye to confirm it for herself but his head remained bowed.

_Lise_ :

I would like that very much.

Lise watched her partner’s smile grow wider, clearly pleased with her answer and she felt her heart thud with a an increasingly erratic rhythm. Without the security of her ribcage she was certain it would have beat right out of her chest.

_John_ :

7PM Ok?

Lise began to type out an offer to help with dinner but back-pedalled... instead she inquired whether she could bring anything and when he answered with ‘ _just yourself’,_ a few _very_ racy thoughts came to mind...

A vivid image of her showing up at his door in a dark trench coat with little underneath formed in her mind and Lise lowered her  lashes, mortified by her own thoughts.

_Lise_ :

It’s a date.

Because it _was_ , wasn’t it? She _really_ hoped it was.

They shared a small, private smile and eventually forced themselves to return to their respective tasks for the rest of the afternoon. The clock seemed to take forever to work its way to a time when they could both leave and when it finally arrived, both detectives lingered awkwardly, tidying up their workspaces and wishing other co-workers on their way out a Merry Christmas...

Lise shrugged on her heavy parka and Cardinal followed suit, both detectives trying and actively failing not to appreciate the other’s physiques as they did so.

Cardinal silently held the door open for her andLise squeezed past him, inhaling his warm, spicy cologne as she went. They made their way out to the parking lot together the way they did most evenings—but it wasn’t like most evenings at all.

Her heart felt playful, so much lighter than usual...

She felt... _ready._

Lise bit her lip when she felt Cardinal’s shoulder brush against hers and a sudden urge to reach out and catch his gloved hand overwhelmed her. She yearned to feel his body heat radiate through the thick layer of fabric, to feel his fingers squeeze around her own reassuringly.

Unfortunately, Lise didn’t seem to possess the same bravery John had exhibited that morning and her hand remained hanging limply at her side.

“So, uh- I’ll... see you at 7?” He husked quietly, his voice clearly wrought with nerves. 

Lise smiled, captivated by the tiny, feather light snowflakes just beginning to fall. She watched them float and flutter, landing softly against her partner’s messy hair. She thought about reaching out, brushing her knuckles along his strong jawline, letting the scruff of his beard scratch her skin. 

She felt an all too familiar ache at her core. A _want_ for something that suddenly didn’t seem quite so unattainable...

“See you at 7.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardinal comes to the realization that he’s not as prepared for this evening as he thought he was...

John was still more than a little in shock at his boldness in inviting Lise over for dinner to his place that evening and his mind began to race as he slipped his key into the door to his apartment, throwing it open. He shed his heavy jacket and tugged at his gloves with his teeth, shaking off the snow that had accumulated in his hair in the process. It was really coming down now; in the short walk it took to get from his car to the building’s lobby, he was covered. 

Cardinal used to love this time of year. Not just the weather but something else...it hung in the air, a light cheerfulness that seemed to take hold of society. Suddenly, people were kinder, gentler with one another’s feelings, they held doors open for you, wished you and your loved ones happiness and health. If only it could be that way all year round...

Now, he felt differently. 

After being a homicide detective for as long as Cardinal had, he started to see cracks in the veneer. He saw more evil than good, more villains than saints—and there was just _so_ much he couldn’t forget.He couldn’t unsee the faces and names, dates and details missed. He forced himself to think of the victims he couldn’t save and their families, now sitting around their dinner tables with empty seats and broken hearts.

It was a cavernous, haunting feeling to know that you could have prevented so much suffering; if he had been more vigilant, looked a _little_ closer, dug a _little_ deeper, tried just a _little_ bit harder… maybe those seats wouldn’t be empty.

Cardinal shoved the door closed with his foot and made his way into the small kitchen, dumping his bag on the chair. He pulled the fridge door open and grabbed the container of orange juice from the front, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach that were bringing him to the edge of nausea as he continued to think about that evening.

Cardinal wasn’t really in the mood for social niceties so he opened the container and drank straight from it as he ran his eyes over the contents of the fridge, a task which took all of a few seconds. 

Various left-over takeout boxes, a half empty carton of milk, and a handful of carrots in the crisper, _which were far from crisp_ … He glanced down at his watch, realizing that if he actually wanted to cook something for a change, instead of ordering in again, he had just under an hour and a half before Lise arrived. 

_She deserved a home cooked meal_ , he thought. Something made with _care_ , to show her how important she was to him… 

Cooking was something Cardinal thoroughly enjoyed doing. It was one of the various, wordless ways he could show the people in his life just how much they meant to him.

Anytime Kelly came up to visit he would suggest they go out for dinner, grab some Italian or head to the diner down the block for breakfast, thinking she would want to spend as much time away from his crappy little apartment as possible—instead, she would beg him to make her her favourite meals, expressing how much she missed them now that she lived further away. He always made extra to send home with her. 

Cursing under his breath, he tossed the now-empty juice carton into the recycling bin and donned his jacket once more, heading back out the way he came. He took the elevator down, already running through the list of things he needed in his mind, praying that the shops were still open.

After pushing the lobby doors open, Cardinal stood frozen in the middle of the parking lot, shocked by how quickly the weather was changing. Fat, wet snowflakes fell from the dark, winter sky as a crisp wind weaved through the buildings, sending the errant flakes swirling every which way.

Before thinking too much about it, John tugged his phone from his jacket pocket, blinking the snowflakes from his eyes as he strained to see the screen through the blurred orange glow the street lights cast from above.

_John_ :

Be careful on the roads.

He worried about her—all the time. 

He wasn’t quite sure when i the worrying began but he was fairly certain it was around the time she’d been shot in the leg... coincidentally the same day they had almost died in each other’s arms.

When she’d shown up on his doorstep that evening, leaning on her crutches he was forced to recognize her fragility. That wasn’t to say Lise was weak, or couldn’t hold her own. No, his partner was the strongest woman he knew. 

But she was _human_ and Cardinal had never really thought in depth about her mortality before then. 

He couldn’t help but inventory every whimper when she put too much weight on her leg, or every wince and sharp inhale of pain when she moved. He couldn’t do anything for her and he hated it.

So he worried about her… 

He worried when she worked herself into the ground—not eating or sleeping, he worried during raids and arrests, making sure they always had their vests in the backseat. He even worried about her when she ran interrogations on her own, it didn’t seem to matter that the suspects were handcuffed to the bar. 

After Catherine, John knew how fleeting life was and Lise’s hung in the balance on a daily basis. It was all part of the job, he knew that but  it didn’t mean he would stop worrying about her.

_Lise_ :

Stop worrying. Focus on the food instead, I’m starving.

Cardinal actually laughed out loud, shaking his head as he hopped into the vehicle and out of the cold.

She knew him too well. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two favorite detectives get ready for their date...

_ Christmas Eve Night _

Lise had just over an hour to get ready and to her astonishment, she used every second of it. By the time she’d shaved her legs, washed her hair and done her make-up, more than half the time was gone. 

She threw open her closet doors, now desperate to find something appropriate to wear. _What was considered appropriate attire for Christmas Eve dinner at your partner’s apartment?_

She had been to Cardinal’s place before but takeout and casework didn’t have a dress code... she usually just showed up to his place wearing whatever she’d chosen for work that morning, never giving it a second thought.

Tonight was different though—Cardinal hadn’t asked ‘ _Detective Delorme’_ to dinner, he’d asked _Lise_ and there was a _stark_ difference between the two.

_Detective Delorme_ had her emotions walled off; she was determined, fiery, focused—she couldn’t afford to be anything less.

_Lise,_ however was much more exposed. Her feelings ran deeply; she was passionate and thoughtful... she wore her heart on her sleeve whether she liked to admit it or not. 

Cardinal had allowed himself to be vulnerable with her that morning. He had taken a leap of faith in regards to their relationship and Lise knew she owed it to him to do the same.

“ _Tabernak_.”

She cursed under her breath, running her fingers through the suspended fabric, hoping something might jump out at her.

It wasn’t happening.

Fifteen minutes later, she emerged from her bedroom feeling more like herself, wearing her favourite pair of skinny jeans and a soft, cream coloured v-neck sweater. She slipped on her ballet flats, opting out of heels for the evening and threw on her heavy jacket. Unfortunately Algonquin Bay winters didn’t allow for cute bombers...

Lise checked her makeup once more in the mirror in her front hall and gave herself an inner pep talk.

The nerves were natural, this was something new; she was allowed to feel unsure of the direction her relationship with Cardinal was heading. Lise made a promise to herself then and there that no matter what happened that evening she would keep an open mind and an open heart.

Just then she felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. She tugged it out, immediately registering her partner’s name. 

_Ostie... was he cancelling?_

Her heart plummeted to her stomach as she unlocked the device.

_John:_

Be careful on the roads.

Lise smiled and could feel herself blushing. She sent him back a text telling him to stop worrying and focus on the food instead, knowing it would make him chuckle in return. 

_God, this man..._ he somehow had the ability to make her feel like a teenage girl with a crush. 

She chewed on her lip anxiously, giving herself one last once over in the mirror before grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

* * *

Cardinal couldn’t decide if he should set the table or keep it casual and eat on the couch. He wanted the evening to feel relaxed but he also wanted to show her that it wouldn’t be like every other night.

Lise was coming over, not to talk about work or celebrate closing a case, she was coming over because he’d asked her to join him for dinner and she’d said yes. It seemed so simple, but it wasn’t. _Not for them._

And he wanted it—their _date_ —to be right; good wine, good food, good company and if all went well, maybe it would be the first of many dates to come...

He checked on the food in the oven and popped the salad into the now freshly re-stocked refrigerator, all while deciding _not_ to set the table. Instead, he stacked the plates, cutlery and wine glasses, along with an unopened bottle of Merlot on the counter and headed for the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later he was standing in his bedroom, towel slung around his waist as he tried to decide what to wear and he shook his head in frustrated disbelief at the mounting pile of shirts on his bed.

John wasn't entirely sure what the dress code was for a date at home... Or any kind of date, really. This would be his first in... _decades_.

Cardinal pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a long, steady breath.

He threw on a pair of boxers and dark jeans but still couldn’t decide on a shirt— a button-down would seem like he was trying too hard and a t-shirt was far too casual... _Fuck_.

In the end, he chose a black, long sleeved henley. It was comfortable but also something she had never seen him in.

After that, Cardinal paced restlessly back and forth in his small living room, anxiously glancing down at his watch every minute or so. Dinner was ready, he'd had a shower and changed. He had even trimmed and shaped his beard. 

It was now five minutes to seven. 

John couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this nervous. The funny thing was, he _liked_ the feeling; _reveled_ in it. Rarely did he feel so light and hopeful...

And then, almost as if he had summoned her himself, he heard a light rapping at the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So clearly I can’t get a chapter out every day but I’m going to shoot for every other day skdhkshjfh. I’m sorry! These chapters feel so flimsy. I’m not even sure it’s worth it if they don’t feel genuine. Let me know!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner commences...

_Christmas Eve Night_

Lise Delorme stood on the other side of the door looking slightly nervous herself and a faint smile creased John’s features as he realized that she’d done the exact same thing he had—gone home and cleaned up a bit. Not the whole _going-out-on-a-date_ getting dressed up, but a sort of _dressy-casual;_ nicer than they usually wore to work.

He took a second to run his eyes over his partner, letting the hint of a smile already on his lips grow, lighting up his face. She was _beautiful_.

Well, Cardinal’s partner was _always_ beautiful in his eyes... but _this_ woman— this woman was different than the one he was used to seeing every day. _This_ version of his partner wore makeup; subtle, but noticeable. Her hair wasn’t tied up in a perfectly neat bun but instead parted at the side with short blonde waves framing her rosy cheeks. She wore flats that evening forgoing her standard work heels and he wasn't exactly sure why but the significant height difference seemed to make her more... _Fragile? Vulnerable?_

His frank appraisal was returned in kind and they both flushed slightly.

“Hey” He said finally, his voice not quite as steady as he was hoping for.

“Hi.” She replied, her heart hammering in her chest as she tried to calm her buzzing nerves. 

_It's just Cardinal,_ she told herself, trying and failing to even her breathing.

Her partner’s behaviour that afternoon had given her an indication that he was considering moving things forward and so she gave herself a bit of slack for feeling nervous. Surely that was excusable, given the circumstances...

Cardinal stepped back allowing her to slip past him.

Swallowing, she stepped into his apartment and the smell of freshly cooked pasta met her senses. With a pleased grin on her face, she continued further inside, noting that Cardinal had opted for a slightly informal setting, the plates sat on the coffee table along with a pair of wine glasses. Soft Christmas jazz music filled the silence, and John shut the door behind them, motioning to the couch for her to take a seat.

“The place is looking more lived in these days...” She spoke quietly, fearful he might hear the shaking in her voice

He chuckled, a bit sardonically. “Yeah, I guess it does... though not for long— the cabin should be finished up by February.

“ _Ouah_ , so soon?”

“Yeah, well... can’t get out of this place fast enough.” He shrugged.

Reaching over, he picked up the glasses and held one out to Lise, who popped the cork on the wine bottle, as he sat down beside her.

Filling the glasses, she handed one back to him, before filling her own, placing the bottle back on the table and accepting the plate Cardinal passed her. Both settled on the couch and nervously raised their glasses, touching them together quickly before taking a sip, and starting in on their food.

It was a comfortable silence that settled between them and Lise was grateful for it; needing those few minutes to pull herself together.

A wordless noise escaped her throat and a frown formed as she glanced at Cardinal. Her eyes darted to the kitchen before looking at the plate again.

Worried, Cardinal put down his fork and looked at his partner.

“Whats wrong?” 

_Shit, was it that bad?_

She finished her mouthful, fork still raised, hanging in the air. Looking at him, she swallowed and replied, 

“Cardinal... this is _really_ good.” 

Relief flooded his face, as he let out a loud exhale. Covering his embarrassment, he gulped a mouthful of wine.

“I had no idea you could cook like this...”

He felt flustered by her kind words, never knowing exactly how to accept praise.

“Well…“ 

She lifted the utensil again, placing it in her mouth, slowly withdrawing the fork and his breath caught as he watched her lips wrap around the tines. Cardinal had to forcibly drag his thoughts back on track before his body reacted of its own accord. 

“It’s a family recipe. I guess I just haven't felt like cooking in a while... takeout’s easier.”

She hummed wholeheartedly in agreement.

“Sometimes I do get the urge." He paused, eating another mouthful before continuing,

“Usually when Kelly stays. To be honest with you, Catherine was the cook in our house. We didn’t have take-out very often with her around. After she... well, I just... couldn’t.”

Lise was immeasurably touched.

"Then it means even more to me that you would cook for us tonight." 

Somewhere along the way, Cardinal had become comfortable enough discussing his wife with Lise, not just Catherine’s death, but her life too and it never seemed to bother her. His partner took it in stride like she did most things—it was one of the many reasons why Cardinal had fallen in love with her...

With a sudden ferocity, it felt incredibly important that he told her so. Almost as if there was no longer enough space in his chest to hold it all in. He was bursting at the seams with so many unspoken truths... 

They both drained the last of their wine and he took a steadying breath.   
  


_It’s now or never, he thought._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth time..

_ Christmas Eve Night _

Before Cardinal could speak, Lise leaned forward, closing the distance between them and grasped his large hand in hers. Seeing the slightly startled expression on his face, she tried to control her nerves. Her mouth opened and shut, before she finally forced herself to start talking.

“John, there’s something here, right?” she gestured vaguely between them, “I’m not just imagining it? Because sometimes... I feel like I’m going _crazy_.”

Cardinal rarely got to see his partner so... unguarded; witnessing her openness and obvious vulnerability up close and personal this way... he was absolutely captivated by her.

Hyper-aware that she could feel his pulse in their joined hands, hammering faster than he thought humanly possible, he finally spoke, his voice hoarse.

“I- no,” 

Lise’s face visibly blanched and Cardinal quickly realized how his words could be interpreted. He took a deep, steadying breath, and continued.

“No, Lise, you’re not crazy. Letting you into my life wasn’t difficult, despite how I may have ...acted. You made it easy— _easy_ to trust you, _easy_ to depend on you... _easy_ to l-“

Cardinal stopped himself short before admitting to something he wasn’t sure his partner was ready to hear just yet.

“But the last time I did this- I... I lost her. And the thought of losing _you—“_

Lise leaned fractionally closer, and he could feel the warmth of her breath brush against his cool skin. It gave him strength, just knowing she was there, taking everything in. 

“I guess I thought I stood a better chance of keeping you in my life as my _partner_ rather than risk anything else. I’m... scared." 

Finally letting her emotions show, Lise’s smile softened and relaxed, her eyes sparkling in the subdued light. It was time to make a confession of her own.

“I’m scared too.” she said, quietly. “John, you know me—I’ve never been very good at the whole... _relationship_ thing.”

She smiled wryly and Cardinal couldn’t help but do the same.

“I’m moody and flighty and ...scared of commitment,” _God, Lise you’re really painting a great picture here,_ she thought to herself. She took a moment to collect herself before pushing on, “But you’re not Josh and I’m not Catherine. What we have...”

“Lise, I care more about you than _anyone_ I've ever been with.” 

He blurted out, then stopped, allowing his words to really sink in for the both of them. It was a lot.

“I’ve been thinking about it... about us, about the... future. I don't want to have anymore regrets. My life is so full of them already and I think what I'd regret the most is- is not moving forward with this—with _you,_ as much as I can. You just- you deserve everything I have to give…” 

Lise paused, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. This was the most she had heard her partner speak in a long time. Maybe _ever_... 

He was going all in, putting all his cards on the table and Lise was enraptured.

"I _know_ my heart is damaged and yours has walls... there are a lot of missing pieces between the two of us.” he smiled, sadly and felt her fingers tighten around his own.

“I guess what I need to know is... could that be enough for you? Could _I_ be enough for you.”

The silence fell between the two like a weighted blanket, draping itself over every insecurity.

What happened next would change everything.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it getting hot in here?

_Christmas Eve Night_

Lise smiled up at him, her eyes filling with tears as she reached out to cup her partner’s face, tenderly with one hand. Cardinal knew that whichever words were about to blossom from his partner lips - good or bad - everything between them was about to change. His pulse thundered heavily in his ears in anticipation.

Her voice was soft and throbbing with pent up emotion when she spoke.

“John, you’re right, my heart _does_ have walls but you must see how long you’ve already been inside of them?”

The magnetic pull between them intensified, the air seemed to crackle with tension. 

Slowly, inexorably, he leaned into her, their warm breath mingling, noses just barely touching when he whispered,

“I think I might love you.”

Raising her hand and trailing the tips of her fingers down his jaw, Lise nuzzled the tip of his nose with her own. John could smell the sweet fragrance of wine on her breath and felt dizzy with want.

“I _know_.” She smiled, feeling a hot, happy tear rush over the ridge of her cheek, “It’s the same for me—has been for... _a while.”_

Her eyes fluttered closed, dark lashes brushing his skin as their lips met, both content to relax into the kiss slowly, lazily. 

Gradually it deepened and Cardinal's tongue grew insistent, seeking entry to her mouth as his fingers threaded through her hair. He felt her smile, inviting him in. He clenched his hands firmly but not roughly, still asserting a measure of control as a small moan spilled from her as he did.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long to kiss her—what was... _appropriate,_ but she didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon...

He could taste the rich, floral notes of merlot on her tongue and something... sweeter. He knew it was the taste of _her—_ was _sure_ that it must be the way she always tasted and the only thought occupying his mind in that moment was that he would like to find out. He would like to kiss this woman every day for the rest of his life if only to confirm this fact. The taste of her wrapped itself around his tastebuds and he groaned as she traced the contours of his lips with her tongue.

Heat spread through them like a flame in dry tinder. 

Lise ran one hand down his chest, fisting the soft material of his shirt as she nipped at his bottom lip. She held it between her teeth tugging slightly, felt his hand come to cup her cheek while the other drifted to her hip, holding her impossibly close. Her fingers began playing with the hair at the back of his neck in response and she could feel him smile against her lips when she lightly trailed her fingertips down his neck, making delightful shivers run throughout his body.

John was the first to break, the need to resurface for air winning out. He missed the taste of her already; her warmth, her insistent mouth moving against his.

_How had he gone his entire life not knowing this was what it could be like?_

He studied her darkened, lust filled eyes and thought his heart might explode when she raised one leg up and over his thighs. 

All too pleased to be in control, Lise straddled her partner. A tingle pooled low in her stomach as she ran her hands through his hair like she had ached to do for longer than she cared to admit. Gripping hard, she shifted her weight onto her knees, scooting up his lap and rocking her hips down onto his already growing arousal. 

One corner of her mouth turned up in a perfect kind of half-smile before she dipped her head back down, swallowing Cardinal’s low groan.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting hotter...

_Christmas Eve Night_

Far from content to let Lise remain in complete control, John slid one hand up her thigh, caressing the small of her back, fingers teasing their way under the hem of her sweater, drawing feather-light circles with his fingernails. 

He pushed the fabric up her torso—gentle and methodical, patiently tugging it over her head and kissing every inch of skin he uncovered. Lise felt like her whole body had gone up in flames, his every move was hot and slow and torturous and she could hardly wait for his lips to return to hers.

Once he’d shed the article of clothing he let it slip from his fingers, hitting the floor in a careless heap. He was insistent with his hands after that, desperate in his quest to touch every bit of her at least once. One hand slid into her hair giving him the leverage to tilt her head to one side so he could nibble his way across her jaw. His tongue teased her earlobe briefly before placing a wet, sucking kiss just underneath, his beard grazing her skin, setting her brain on fire.

“ _Merde, John._ ”

Panting slightly, she let out a soft whimper as her skin tingled at the feeling of his teeth on her. Arching her neck into his mouth, she placed both of her hands on the back of the sofa, using the extra leverage to push down as she ground her hips into him, feeling his erection press against her core, the heat from both of their bodies spread deliciously between them. 

Cardinal slid his hand down her bare back, his fingers deftly easing their way under the waist of her tight jeans, only _just_ able to slip beneath her panties. Marveling in the feel of her as the soft curve of her naked ass filled his palm, he squeezed with a gentle pressure, pulling her further into him, hips rocking as he continued his torturous exploration of her neck. He smiled against her skin, the combination of the taste of her on his tongue, and the vanilla scent of her hair as it tickled his face filled his senses.

Lise pressed her face further into him, wordlessly urging, needing more. Only too happy to comply, he opened his mouth, tongue teasing lightly as he spread his lips against her. 

She would _definitely_ have a hickey tomorrow and she could not care less.

Sucking hard where her neck met her shoulder, he let his teeth graze her delicate skin. The sudden firmness of his bite was exactly what she needed and Lise held his head in place as he practically growled, a rumbling, primal sound. 

The vibrations sent shudders down to her feet and she writhed against his body for a moment. Pulling free, her breath ragged, she ran her fingers lightly across his swollen lips before deftly slipping lower down his body, pressing just under the hem of his shirt, nails dragging along his hipbones. He exhaled shakily, his warm breath brushing at her lips. His skin was hot. _Fiery_.

“It’s, uh-“

He stuttered as his hands found their way around her midsection, thumbs brushing just below her breasts and her fingers kneaded his skin, silently encouraging him to keep doing _that—that_ tickling thing against her with his fingertips that had goosebumps rising along her arms and across her neck, over her breasts and down her thighs.

“It’s been a while,” he managed, around a choked back groan, his hands finally moving to cup her gently, fingers tracing along the lace edge of her bra.

She hadn’t intended for any of this to happen, not even considering the possibility as she got ready for their date that evening, but she was certainly glad she’d had mind enough to pick out nice lingerie...

Truthfully, Lise couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of just how _right_ it all felt. She wanted to feel him against her, inside her, to curl into the cove of his body afterwards. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms, to wake up with him in the morning, trace the pillow creases against his cheek with her finger. She wanted to make breakfast at his side in her underwear, to make love to him again and again and again for the rest of her days.

“Me too,” she said quietly, seriously, and tilted her chin to look up at him.

He had trouble coming to terms with the idea that no one had touched her since Josh. She was so goddamn beautiful, she could have anyone she wanted... When she felt his gaze linger, questioningly, she shrugged at him with a tiny, shy smile and he knew by her sheepishness that she was telling him the truth.

His thumbs brushed over her hardened nipples through the thin material, and a whisper of a moan slipped from her lips. Over and back again and again once more he trailed his finger until she made _that_ noise again. His eyes darkened and he licked his lips, pulling his hands lower to rest at her small hips.

“We’ll take it slow then?”

They had reached this place from a long, slow walk rather than a quick sprint—there was no reason to change that pace now...

“How slow is _slow_ , Detective?” she whispered, 

A sly smile tilted her lips upwards as she rocked back on her heels, forcing herself to stand, grabbing the hand that slipped free of her waist, she pulled him up after her.

With her hair thoroughly mussed, her lips kiss swollen and her cheeks a tad bit rosier than usual, Cardinal wasn’t sure if his partner had ever been more beautiful. He held her hand, gripped it tight, and led her across the room towards his bedroom. When she stopped at the threshold, he turned to look at her and what he saw then, helped to bolster his confidence; there, in those dark, mysterious eyes swam every ounce of love and adoration he felt for her, mirrored back at him, clear as day.

_She really did feel the same for him... she loved him._

He couldn’t help but close the short distance between them, kissing her hard.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m dragging this out, I know but the TENSION. Let’s ramp it up a bit more...

  
  


_Christmas Eve Night_

John’s bedroom was cooler than the rest of the apartment; the corner window by his bed was slightly open, letting in the arctic December air. Snow was starting to accumulate on the inside of the windowsill and Lise wondered whether Cardinal had even noticed.

Realigning her attention, she was suddenly very aware of how clothed her partner still was and tugged impatiently at the hem of his soft henley. He understood her insistence and took over, easing the fabric up and over his head, immediately discarding it to the floor.

She wrapped her fingers around his ribcage, taking in his physical form, appreciating in the way his stomach muscles clenched under her touch.

He kissed her again—slow and deep before gently guiding her backwards onto the bed and it was then that she felt a single snowflake drift over her skin, melting in a tiny icy pinprick against her collarbone.

“Should I shut the window?” he husked, not waiting before covering her body with his own, pressing her down into the mattress with his weight.

Her legs instinctively parted, one hooking over his hip as his tongue traced languidly down her neck, crossing her collar bone and swiping the outer curve of one breast. His wild hair tickled her chin and she smiled at the sensation.

She felt his teeth tugging lightly at one of the cups of her bra and watched him drag it down with his mouth. Her nipple puckered instantly at the contrast between hot and cold and her back arched when he added his tongue into the mix.

“Non, leave it.” she answered breathlessly

She liked the way he looked moving above her, his knees planted on the bed between her spread thighs, snowflakes catching in his hair.

He reached behind her back to unclasp the bra and flung it carelessly to a corner of the room. Lise had never been happier to see an article of clothing disappear in her life...

She thread her fingers through his hair, enjoying the way he swallowed, hard. His warm hands cupped her small breasts, squeezing just a bit rougher than before and she liked it; liked that he felt just as out of control as she did.

He dragged his warm palm over her stomach to the button of her jeans but stopped short, his fingers hovering just above the zipper, eyes seeking out hers.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, taking over, impatiently trying to work her way out of the tight denim that clung to her skin.

“I just—this isn’t very _slow_ , is it?”

His deep, raspy voice immediately had a hold on her and she stopped too, gazing up into his blue-grey eyes.

“I _want_ you, John. I’ve wanted you for so long. I don’t don’t think I can wait any longer...”

The small smile that tipped the corner of his mouth was just as shaky as hers was earlier, his eyes blown wide with a heady combination of adoration and desire.

“Okay.”

And with that, he leveraged himself off the bed getting to his feet to work his own pants down and off. She scurried to do the same, finally succeeding with the denim but lost focus by the time she’d reached the lace of her panties.

Her mouth went a little bit dry as she watched her partner slip his briefs down over his cock— thick and hard and _tabernak_ — it had been a long time since she was with someone and she wasn’t sure if she had _ever_ been with a man his size.

No, scratch that—she was sure. He was _big_. She could feel her own arousal pool between her legs at the sight of him.

He was distracted so he missed the look of sheer awe on her face, he was too busy fumbling in his nightstand for a condom. She couldn’t help herself, she wiggled her body a little closer to the edge of the mattress, letting her fingers drift over his bare thigh and delighted in the muffled curse that followed, the sharp intake of air into his lungs.

He bit down hard on his lip, slamming his eyes shut as he felt her delicate fingers wrap around his length. He wasn’t prepared for the rush of pleasure that shot through his veins at her touch—not in the slightest. The alarm clock atop his bedside table tumbled to the floor when she tightened her grip and Lise had to hold back the giggle threatening to burst from her throat


	13. Chapter 13

_Christmas Eve Night_

“Lise," he snapped sharply, but it didn't stop her, not at all.

With her fingers wrapped around his hardened length, she gazed up at him with hooded eyes.

"Lise, you don’t have t-"

" _Shh_ ," she shushed him, swatting his hand away when it moved to her shoulder, "Let me. I want to."

He couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought once her warm, wet mouth closed around his swollen tip. His head fell back on his neck at the tease of her touch just as she drew away, curling her fingers around his base and trailing her tongue up the length of his erection, watching him the entire time.

"Did you ever think of me?” she asked, quietly “Like this?"

Her accent was thick, hot breath coating him and he had to grit his teeth hard to keep from coming already. 

_Yeah, he had definitely thought of her like this..._

Many times, in fact—getting off to the vision of her on her knees, her lips wrapped around his cock instead of his own hand. But the shame was heavy and all consuming each time he came, always chasing away the pleasure and replacing it with a loud, resounding guilt.

Her mouth enveloped him again before he could even consider answering her question, engulfing him in a fiery heat, erasing his mind of everything except the feel of her lips and the liquid fire currently shooting up his spine. Her hands slid up his bare thighs, nails raking lightly over his skin, before abandoning them to coil her fingers around the white knuckled fist in her hair. 

_When had his hand moved to her hair? Fuck._

Her thumbs smoothed rhythmically over the insides of his wrists and he used the soft sensation as a reminder to breathe even as she hummed and sucked and soothed with her teeth and her tongue.

She released him with a purposeful pop of her mouth and stared up at him with dark, hazy eyes. 

He didn’t hestitate this time before hauling her up onto her knees and bending down to kiss her, humming into her mouth as he tasted the subtle traces of himself on her tongue. 

He cupped the bared bones of her hips in his palms before heading further south, his fingers eventually meeting the soaked fabric of her underwear. He felt pleased to know the physical effect he was having on her was just as strong the one she had on him.

Cardinal experimentally pushed the lacy strip aside, gliding a single finger through the sticky pool of her arousal and watched as her cheeks flushed, her lips parted against his and her eyes struggled to remain open. 

She was beautiful. 

He gently pressed her backwards by the hip with his free hand, lowering her onto the mattress, following her body down with his own. 

And then all movement stopped.

They lay there, naked skin pressed to naked skin, not touching, not talking, just breathing heavily, gazing, savouring the sheer intimacy of the moment.

Cardinal wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he finally spoke. 

“Lise,” he husked, “I want you so much but I won’t- I’m not sure how long I’ll-“

She quieted him with her lips, whispering his name into their kiss. 

“I don’t care.”

She felt his arousal press heavily against her thigh—but her thigh was not where she needed it most.

She canted her hips up against him and he smiled, slowly re-positioning himself for her to accept him.

He hovered over her, drowning in her darkened eyes.

"Yes."

Her brow creased and she looked at him, confused.

“Yes, I did think of you. All the time. In every way imaginable.”

At that, her pupils dilated even more, flooding her irises, turning chocolate brown into a dark obsidian. He leaned down again, kissing her with fervour.

She hooked her heel behind him, slowly drawing his hips down, guiding him as he made contact with her entrance.

“ _The condom-_ “ he choked out

“ _Shhh_.”

He pressed inside of her, slowly, slowly, and all the fear, all the uncertainty dissolved in the onslaught of sensations. He kept his eyes open and on her, setting a gentle pace, feeling her meet his every move with her hips—with her heart.

He could already sense the pleasure coiling fast and hard at the base of his spine and knew instantly that he was teetering on that very precarious edge...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve everyone! Sending you all my love with a searing finale to this duo’s evening. They’re going out with a bang if you know what I mean...

_Christmas Eve Night_

He pushed into her with the next grind of his hips and her nails bit tiny half-moons into his shoulder, his name whispered out in broken syllables as he rutted carefully into her lithe body. His breathing was ragged and he felt his eyes drifting shut in concentration, the edges of his vision darkening and blurring as she gasped and whimpered. Her leg folded over his hip in order to drag him closer and it was only when he heard the change in her breathing that his eyes shot open again, fingers gripping her hip bones for purchase.

He gazed down at her in wonder, reaching up to drag his thumb along her swollen bottom lip and felt her lick at the pad, tasting the salt on his skin. When her lips wrapped around it and sucked the digit into her mouth, he cursed.

This woman would be the death of him, he was sure of it.

She released his thumb with a sinful little pop and his hand immediately went to her thigh, pulling it tighter over his hip and against his waist.

He had to fight the urge to slam their bodies together in one furious thrust—to take her and to give himself over to her in return.

Almost of their own accord, his thrusts _did_ become more forceful, giving Lise a quick glimpse of what he was holding back. When she moaned a long _yes_ into his ear, clenching around him, she brought him to the edge where he teetered precariously. He breathed deeply through his nose, willing himself to last longer than her.

With each snap of his hips, she let out a breathy little cry.

“ _Mm’don’t stop_.”

She fisted her hand at the back of his head, her wide, dark eyes locking with his and he could see the ecstasy written there; the want, the _need_. He was sure it must have mirrored his own.

He needed her to know just how long he'd wanted this too, wanted her. All of her. Her mind, her body, her soul. That she made him happier than he ever thought possible for a man as broken as he was.

He needed her to _feel_ just how in love with her he truly was. He’d said the words, yes, but she deserved more. He could feel it bursting in his chest, burning his lungs, pounding a steady rhythm against his eardrums...

Did she know that he had loved her for _years_? That he couldn’t stop even when he tried— _and God, did he try._ When the guilt and the pain of loving her ripped a gaping hole in his chest, he still couldn't force it away.

_Did she know?_

He reached up to free his hair from her grip, bringing her hand around to his mouth, laying a gentle kiss to the center of her palm before lacing their fingers and lifting her arm high over her head, pressing the back of her hand into the mattress.

He shifted his hips, needing them to be in sync with the loss of control that was about to take place. One look was all it took and Lise nodded in understanding. She matched his speed with fervour, fluttering around him and his breath caught hard in his chest. He leaned down to rest his sweaty forehead against hers, trying and failing to swallow back the thick jumble of emotions knotting in the center of his throat. She brushed her thumb across his chin and stretched up to kiss him.

Cardinal growled into her mouth when she rolled her hips against his, slipping around his cock.

He watched his partner fight hard to keep her eyes open, wanting to see him fall just as much as he longed to see her. John squeezed her fingers once, before releasing his grip. He pressed up onto his hands on either side of her head and the rush of arctic air instantly brought her rosy nipples to taut peaks. Bowing his back, he leaned down and pulled her left breast into his mouth, biting and sucking at the sensitive, pebbled skin until her body went rigid beneath him. He watched her crest, felt her seize and pulsate around him. His mind went white as his own body began to shake from the powerful orgasm thrashing low in his groin. He came on a long, low moan.

Lise arched off the bed, the long line of her neck exposed as she pressed the back of her head into the mattress, mouth open, his name the only sound on her lips before quickly dissolving into aftershocks.

His body reacted to her internal muscles gripping him by jerking unconsciously inside of her, spilling the last remnants of his searing arousal into her slick heat. Eventually, he had his wits enough about him that he was able to roll over, pulling her with him, against his chest. His lips were in her hair, against her ear when he spoke.

"We should have done that a long time ago."

She smiled against his warm, damp skin.

" _We’ll make up for it._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be Christmas morning ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! :)

_  
Late Christmas Eve Night_

She woke disoriented— _and_ _really fucking cold_. The gangly body that had been draped beside her all evening was missing but she could hear him, cursing under his breath as he tried to work the window down.

Then she felt another blanket drape over her on the bed, thick and cozy and she immediately pulled it over her shoulders, burrowing down into the warmth. She could just make him out, clad only in his boxer briefs, the fabric hanging dangerously low on his hips. He cursed again when he stubbed his toe on the bed post, and she giggled.

He grumbled something unintelligible in response, tucking the blanket around her feet and something in her chest tightened. He was always so _careful_ with her, so _thoughtful_. No one had ever been that way with her before.

She held open the blanket for him, watching him strip his boxers and wincing as his icy skin came into contact with hers.

“ _Laisse-moi t'réchauffer._ ”

She slid her palm over his ribs, tugging him closer, wrapping her limbs around him like a little koala bear. The slight shudder in his breath sent a devilish heat licking up along her spine but exhaustion wore out in the end with sleep reclaiming them both once more.

* * *

_Early Christmas Morning_

Her body felt like it was overheating as she swam slowly back to consciousness. 

Cardinal’s large hand covered her stomach, his fingers spread wide as he held her against him, his chest a solid, hot wall pressed at her back. His knees bumped the backs of her calves and she shifted on her hip, tilting her body back into his. He accepted her weight with a gentle sigh, warm breath washing over her bare shoulder.

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, something like this would have _terrified_ Lise. The Lise Delorme of the past would have fled to the shower, post sex, or simply tugged her clothing back on in the dark, throwing a half-assed excuse over her shoulder as she made a beeline for the door.

Not anymore. _Never with him._

A sigh of her own stuck in her chest, pressing hard against her ribs. It was so surreal, being there, waking up in the morning with Cardinal’s body wrapped around hers, his bed sheets pressing softly against her skin. 

She had wanted this—wanted _him_ —for so long yet it was as if her brain still couldn’t process it, couldn’t accept that it was reality. _How was this any different than any other dream involving him?_ She didn’t want to wake up if it was, not with the inevitable ache between her legs and his name tumbling from her lips.

She needed to see him. Needed to prove to herself that what happened was real. That after _years_ spent denying what was going on between them, they were finally here. _Together_.

Cardinal grunted in his sleep when she tried to pull away, his arm tightening possessively around her waist. She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading when he murmured what sounded like a _no_ and buried his face in the tangled nest of her hair. 

Gently, she pushed against his arm, lifting it just enough to spin over. His hand settled low on her back and Lise closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on the heat of his touch seeping into her strained muscles.

Right now, all she wanted was to lay in bed and watch him sleep. His face was so more relaxed than she had ever seen it before. 

Leaning back, her hair rustling over the pillowcase, she looked at him, letting her eyes roam over his features, his bare chest, the swell of his bicep. She drank him in greedily, every visible part of him. She never got to see him so vulnerable.

Reaching up, Lise ran her fingers lightly across his face, brushing the spill of spiky dark hair back from his forehead with a smile. 

A dull ache settled high in her chest the more she thought about it, about _them_ —how he knew her better than anyone in her life. She knew him too, like the back of her hand but there were still so many things she didn’t know...

The little but important details; the things that helped shape her partner into the man he was today.

The urge to wake him up and interrogate him about his life was strong. She wanted to burrow her way through his past until she knew everything from what his childhood was like to the name of his first serious girlfriend. It welled up inside of her chest and she swallowed it back, forcing herself to let it go for now.

_They had time._

The very thought made her shiver. They had _time_ now. Time to get to know each other, to learn, to grow. To make this thing that had been building between them for years... _real_. She wanted that so badly. There were many times over the duration of their partnership where she was certain _this_ would never happen, that they would never be anything more than a series of seemingly insurmountable obstacles and missed chances. 

Doomed to fail before they even had a chance to begin.

Lise rubbed her hand against his cheek, electricity zipping up her arm when she brushed over his greying beard. She did it again, let her nails scrape against his skin, the short hairs abrading the pads of her fingers. A flame burst to life low in her abdomen when she imagined feeling that burn on other parts of her body, like the inside of her thighs.

Her hips tilted towards him when she pressed her legs together and Cardinal huffed at the movement, his eyes fluttering open. He stared at her for a long moment and she watched it all flash across his face. Disbelief, recognition and something that looked a lot like love. His pupils dilated somewhat, not completely overtaking his beautiful blue irises but expanding enough to showcase his true feelings. She felt his fingers curl into her spine and he smiled, sleepy and lopsided.

_“Merry Christmas.”_

Her heart tumbled at the sound of his voice, low and full of gravel.

“ _Joyeux Noël_.”

His eyes drooped sleepily and she smiled back at him, her hand still on his face, thumb tracing over his cheekbone and fingers brushing the thin skin behind his ear.

How she loved this man.

The words thrashed inside her, knocking hard against her ribs, bruising her heart the way they always did. She calmed them with a deep breath, sliding her hand over his chest until she could feel the steady beat of his heart against her palm.

She could say them now, they were no longer a secret—not after he’d let them spill himself last night.

_“I love you.”_

She very much liked the way it sounded; so natural... so _right_. 

His fingers dug into her back, coaxing her in and she leaned into him, moving closer until her breasts pushed against his chest. Cardinal breathed out her name and she stretched up, brushing her lips over his chin, his cheek.

Lise hummed softly when his fingers fisted in her hair, pulling her back until he could reach her mouth. He kissed her almost aggressively, sucking on her bottom lip, biting and soothing. The mattress silently gave when he rolled them over, trapping her body under his. The kiss eventually gentled, his lips growing soft and tender as his hand slipped from her hair and slid down over her chest, coming to rest in the valley of her breasts.

Breaking the kiss, Cardinal stared down at her, his face open and full of awe. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers the way he had the night before, breathing the words into her mouth on a deep sigh.

“ _You’re everything to me. ”_

Wrapping her leg high around his waist, Lise pulled him down into the cradle of her hips. They both moaned softly at the contact, still so new and overwhelming.

Her fingers threaded through his hair as he kissed a wet trail down her neck and over her chest, eyes falling shut when she felt the rasp of his stubble against her breasts, her body breaking out into goosebumps. 

Truthfully, she had fantasized about this from the very moment they met all those years ago...

She was instantly attracted to him, despite his distaste for their forced partnership and maybe the fact that she knew she couldn’t have him made her want him even more. She saw his ring, knew he belonged to another but still, she imagined the scrape of his beard over her skin, the soothing warmth of his tongue trailing after it.

She knew he would be good in bed too. Cardinal was so precise and thorough in _every_ area of his life; he was attentive and thoughtful, kind and empathetic—of course he would be all of those things and more as a lover. 

He worked down her body at a torturous pace, the pant of his breath and the suck of his lips the only sounds she could hear. Her hips lifted when his tongue dipped into her navel and she felt him smile against her stomach as he did it again, pulling a rough and needy moan from her chest. Lise’s hands fisted, one in the sheets and one in his hair, as he drifted even lower, biting and licking at her skin.

Her legs fell open when his chin skimmed her hip. Cardinal let out a rumbling growl, a dark, rich sound that made her stomach flutter, and buried his nose in the apex of her thigh, against the soft downy pubic hair.

She came up off the bed when he put his mouth on her for the first time; his wide, flat tongue dragging across her, dipping in to flick lightly at her clit. The pressure built until she was practically pumping her hips up into his face, whimpering his name.

“ _John, John... fuck... John_.”

Cardinal slipped one finger into her with ease and slid his other hand across the bed, pulling the sheets from her grip to lace their fingers together. He moved their joined hands to rest low on her belly and Lise tightened her fingers around his, silently begging him for more.

Stars exploded behind her eyes when he pushed another finger into her and sucked on her clit, nose pressed hard into her pubic bone. Lise planted her feet on the bed, lifting her hips and almost yelled his name. Cardinal followed her body, never letting go, never stopping. Not until she collapsed into a boneless heap in the middle of the bed.

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was his face, hovering over hers, a shy smile tilting at his lips.

“Was only fair after—”

Wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, Lise yanked him down into a sloppy kiss. She tasted herself on his lips, on his tongue, and moaned, pressing up into him until he rolled them over, dragging her onto his chest. He looked up at her with glassy eyes as she straddled his hips and rose over him, her chest heaving.

She watched his mouth fall open and eyes flutter shut as she gently lowered herself onto him, sliding down until the space between them was nonexistent. Lise pulled his hands off her thighs and slipped her fingers between his. 

Leaning over him, she pressed the backs of his hands into the mattress on either side of his head and slowly rocked her hips.

_“Look at me.”_

He did, his gaze locking with hers, never breaking as she rolled and rocked, riding him. Love and arousal swirled in her chest, mixing together and reacting until it all poured out of her mouth, a waterfall of rushed words crashing down over him. How much she wanted him, had always wanted him, how much she needed him, loved him, wanted to spend the rest of her life showing him just how much. He pumped his hips, thrusting up into her as hard as he could, making his own confessions, sharing his own secrets.

She came on a breathy moan, collapsing onto his chest and Cardinal slammed into her a half a dozen more times before breaking, her name a hot gust of air on his lips. Gently, he untangled their hands and wrapped his arms protectively around her, holding her tightly to his chest as he rolled them over onto their sides. His fingers skimmed her back, nails gliding over her shoulder blades down to her tailbone and back up again. His heart pounded against her chest as they both caught their breath.

She almost missed his whisper, her body once again answering the siren call of sleep, despite her deepest protests.

_“Best Christmas ever.”_


End file.
